Conflict is never enjoyable and at times, wedding planning can be wrought with heated discussions and passionate opinions. Have no fear, lovely, I am here to offer a few tips for navigating those moments.
A few weeks ago, some of you asked that I tackle the unpleasant conversations that come up through the planning process and tips on how to handle them. The context in which this was asked referred to you and your honey, but the tips below can apply to any relationship, both personal and professional.
Planning a wedding can be stressful and it is common to butt heads with someone in the process. Maybe you really want those chair covers or a particular reading that your fiancé doesn’t want. Perhaps he insists on a color that clashes with your vision and you can just not see putting them together elegantly. Maybe he has a very good reason why he’s passionate about that color. A very common instance is when mom or dad want to invite Aunt so-and-so five times removed.
These things will come up and when something so personal and exciting is in the works, people are going to be enthusiastic and push back about certain aspects. While I am certainly not a relationship or communication expert, these tips have served me well the past few years and I hope this helps you, Lovelies.
1. Take a step away. Whether you are truly upset, tired or just have been staring at something for hours, it is always helpful to walk away for at least five minutes, then circle back. This can help you clear your mind and calm down to think and discuss calmly and rationally.
2. Ask yourself why. Why is this so important to you to keep discussing? Chances are that if you have a great reason, there will be a compromise and your fiancé or family member will be more open to doing so. If you are discussing something with a vendor, they might not be able to provide what you are asking for one reason or another, but they can certainly explain why they cannot and brainstorm an alternative with you.
3. Use ‘me’ instead of ‘you’. This is something we learned in our marriage prep. If you can explain your frustration from your perspective alone and use ‘me’ statements instead of accusative ‘you’ statements, the person on the receiving end of the comment will be less likely to get defensive.
4. Refer to your priorities. Remember those top three budget priorities? This is a great time to refer back to them. If what you are fretting about isn’t one of those, you probably can make your decision much more easily. However, it is ok for those priorities to shift as you begin working through the process, so don’t let that be your end all, be all if you have a good reason that point is important to you.
5. Remember your goal. To be married to your best friend! I know things seem super important in the moment, but no matter what you argue about, being married to your partner and love of your life is the end goal. To begin your family and embark on your next journey together as Mr. and Mrs. If you truly are at an impasse, remember that and table it or let it go.
I cannot tell you how many times these tips come in handy for me, to this day. Life is too short to fret over the small things, so take that into account.
*Don’t forget to submit your planning questions for future Sweet Beginnings posts.